Tonight Lucretia McEvil and I went out to a bar/private club that is a favorite haunt of her’s and my ex-sister-in-law and some of the EXSIL’s coworkers. EXSIL didn’t show-up, but her coworkers did. One of them is a guy that is single, funny, good looking, realistic about relationships, isn’t freaked-out about our open relationship, buys the group shots, sings kareoke without a care in the world and is an all around nice guy. He would be perfect for my Unobtanium.
See, my Unobtanium is just out of a bad relationship. When I say bad, it’s one of being ignored in the name of online game play and weed. Her boyfriend of four years is a guy who takes her for granted. He doesn’t do anything for her. Nothing. To the point where when they have sex afterward he gets out of bed and goes back online and plays video games on the Playstation 3. His two real loves in life are weed and Playstation. Both escapes for real life. And she is part of real life. Something he is just not equipped mentally or emotionally to handle. I don’t think he consciously takes advantage of her, he just does. We’ll call him “A”.
They broke-up about three months ago, but they were still living together until just yesterday when she moved-out because the lease on their rented home finally ran-out. But she’s been dating someone for the last two months. We’ll call him “J”. J is someone she is not in love with, but he is everything A is not. He’s attentive. He fawns over her. He gets up early and starts her car for her so the windows are defrosted and the interior is warm. She is smitten with him. What’s the problem with J you ask? Well, he is the kind of guy that is lucky to have had sex with a girl like Unobtanium, and he knows it. So from my perspective as another male, he is doing everything in his power to keep her interested in him. He never has had such a woman, and he may never have it again because he just isn’t the kind of guy that usually attracts such a person into his life. His affection is more self-serving than selfless.
It is not genuine. At least to the point that it is really genuine. It is genuine in that he really means what he is trying to do: keep her in his life because he may never get a woman like her again. But that is the wrong reason. It’s selfish love, not real love of who she is. It is love of what she represents to him, not who she really is.
For instance, in group settings he is a complete hermit. He is anti-social. He does not interact with anyone. He poses and postures. He doesn’t even try to be sociable with our group, her friends. He is a real downer on the evening. We were all out as a group a few weeks ago and Lucretia put her hands on his shoulders in a friendly manner and he became instantly angry and yelled at her “DO NOT TOUCH ME!!!” as if she was a leper. The general consensus amongst our group is that he disapproves of her friends because they represent a threat to him – especially me – and eventually it will come down to a ultimatum of “It’s either your friends or me”. She should not be put in that situation, by anyone.
Of course, I can’t say anything to her without being the asshole myself. At least for as long as this relationship lasts.
So tonight I meet for the first time this guy that is her equal in every way (Lucretia has known him for over a month). She needs to meet him if just to broaden her horizons and see what else is out there. She knows she does, but she’s afraid of hurting J because he’s professed his love for her, even though she doesn’t feel the same way for him. It may not work out between them, but she needs to meet more people. And this is a guy that is her equal and would appreciate her for her, not for what she represents to him.
I’ve planted the seed. Now we need to see what grows.
Bigger Love 