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Something Lucretia MacEvil and I have encountered on numerous occasions when men contact her is what I like to call “The Cheating Wife Syndrome”.  What this is, is the idea that a woman that is cheating on her husband is a bigger turn-on to men than knowing that she has permission.

How this comes about is that usually (see this post for the “usually” part) we have a rule of I have to meet prospective boyfriends before Mrs. can play solo with them.  It’s a way of letting these guys know up front what the score is with us, and also because as a guy I know all the stupid guy games, just like my wife knows all the stupid girl games so she likes to know personally who I play with.  But, many guys get all freaked-out at the idea of meeting me.  Whether it’s because it’s the idea that she’s married and her having permission to have sex with others freaks them out, or it’s the “Cheating Wife Syndrome”. Which as a guy I think most other guys like.

Why? Because it’s an ego-rush.  It’s just like in porn where the husband can’t satisfy his wife so she calls in a stuntcock to take care of her carnal needs.  It’s a competition for many guys, and conquering someone else’s wife is a real “IN YOUR FACE, MAN!” to the husband.  It’s an “I won and I’m better than you” thing.  They want the sex, the ego-feed is just a bonus, something they can brag to their friends about how they banged this married woman because she needed his cock.

Knowing she has permission though takes the danger, the thrill, and the ego-stroke out of it all.  So when Mrs. suggests that we all meet, most of these guys go silent and stop chatting with her via email or IM.

Of course some really can’t wrap their mind around the whole open relationship thing.  They have been socially conditioned that monogamy is the way it is, and so is cheating.  But having sex outside of marriage and having permission to do it just does not compute.  So the thought of meeting a husband is just downright fucking scary.

But I think for the most part, many of these “cheating wife” guys are out for the thrill of the kill, and you can thank porn for this.  And the Internet.  Look at how many banner ads you see for “Find a cheating wife in your area tonight.”  The porn industry knows what men want, and they cater to it.

Some of these guys contact us through swingers sites, but most of the “Cheating Wife Syndrome” guys find LM through her Yahoo! profile and the like.  And the funny part is her Yahoo! profile doesn’t say anything about us having an open relationship.  It’s just a generic profile in the Yahoo! directory.  These guys just IM her and hope they can reel one in.

This is just one of those things you deal with when you have an open relationship.  You have to expect a certain amount of this kind of thing because so many just don’t get what the whole thing is about.  They think it’s about finding replacement sex because what you have at home is unsatisfying.  They don’t realize that it’s not replacement sex, it’s simply additional sex.  It’s not better, it’s just different.  It’s because we have a great relationship and an overflowing sex life and we share the extra with others.  But since porn does not depict it this way general society thinks it’s what they see in movies and on the Internet.  But maybe that’s because that is what sells.  A married woman that has permission is no fun.  A cheating woman is.

~ Lucius Scribbens

Sometimes it’s hard being a guy. I’m not trying to sound like a martyr, what I mean by that is it seems more difficult for a guy in a committed relationship to find a playmate than is it a woman.  For instance, most men have no problems fucking a married woman (unless her husband knows about it, another phenomenon I’ll write about later), but many women shy away from hooking-up with a married man.  This may be a generalizing it a bit, but overall I think it is shown women generally hook-up for different reasons than men.

Most men want to get laid.  Plain and simple.  They produce a full load of semen and can impregnate a woman every 24 hours or less.  Nature begs men to do so and thus they spend allot of time trying to get laid.  Whether it’s for pleasure or procreation, that’s what we do.  I personally think it’s the subconscious need to procreate, but it expresses itself as seeking pleasure.

Women on the other hand have more to lose, or at least more invested in a possible coupling.  Sure nature may be telling her to have a baby, even on a subconscious level, but that is the exact reason she is more selective of who she has sex with, when she has sex, and why she has sex.  She’s the one that has to carry a child for 9 months and raise it.  Sometimes alone.

So in a nutshell, most men are looking to get-off and many women are looking for a relationship, or at least something that could turn into a relationship.  Therefore a married woman is simply another chance to get laid without any responsibility for her afterward.  Fuck her and send her home to her husband.  Women on the other hand for the most part aren’t looking for married men because there is no future with them.  Sure, he may have an open relationship and is fair game, but at the end of the night he’s still going home to his wife and she’ll still be alone.  Which is exactly what many men are looking for: a great fuck then back to his own selfish activities.

I say this now because looking back over the past year Mrs. Scribbens (Lucrecia MacEvil) has had many solo escapades with several single men, while I’ve had one with a single woman.  And that was 10 months ago.  Not for lack of trying, but simply for lack of prospects. It’s always the same story: “You’re married and nothing could ever come of this.” Or some variation of that.  A woman that has had threesomes with Mrs. Scribbens and I recently told her she’d love to be my girlfriend, but “I’d get to attached and at the end of the day I’d still be alone and he’d be with you.”

There’s no shortage of willing men lining-up to have sex with Mrs. Scribbens, and there are plenty of women that tell Mrs. Scribbens and I they’d love to have sex with me, but… (see the above paragraph for what comes next)

It almost seems that if I was cheating on Mrs. Scribbens I’d have an easier time of it because the parameters of the relationship would be defined.  Maybe in an open relationship such as swinging or polyamory the truth is just too much, or at least leaves the relationship too open-ended and uncertain.  With cheating you fuck, have a good time, and go home to your respective partners.  In polyamory it is not so simple.  Something more could develop, and maybe that’s the scary part.

In the end I think it’s just the difference of what each gender generally is looking for: one looks to get laid, the other looks for something more.

Again, I’m not saying that every man or every woman is like this.  I’m simply stating the “many” and “most” scenarios that make-up general society.  Obviously I’m different, and if you’re reading this, you are too.

~ Lucius Scribbens

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