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Again recently I have had to sit back and think to myself why many monogamists think as they do.  Try to understand what make them tick and what makes them think I am weird or “wrong” and their way is normal or “right”.  What happened to make me ruminate like this was a woman.  Yes, the thing that makes many men think for a moment, touch themselves, then turn-on SPEED Network to watch monster trucks.  But what really got me today was a woman I know who is a single mom of three, works two jobs and who I’ve been good friends with for months now, told me that I “need to take a step back because all this was just getting to weird.”

Now she knows that I’m in an open relationship.  We’ve also talked of our mutual attraction and that as other women have said:  she’d love to have a relationship with me, but she’d just be putting time into someone else’s husband.  Which I can respect if getting married is the be-all-end-all of her existence right now.   So all this is nothing of a surprise.

So what spurred that response from her?  Lucretia MacEvil invited her to dinner, with her children, since her middle daughter is the same age as our youngest daughter and they would probably get along fabulously.  To her, this just seemed too strange.  The wife of a man who she’s attracted to is inviting her to break bread with her, not kill her.  She really couldn’t wrap her brain around that.  In fact she even said to me: “Doesn’t that just seem a bit strange to you?  To normal people it is.”

What seems strange to me though, is that for over a year she was dating a married man who was cheating on his wife, and one of her children is the result of that relationship.  Of course, he never left his wife and has no contact with her, or his child today.

So dating a married man who is cheating on his wife is not weird, however dating a married man who is honest with his wife and who’s wife would like to meet her and feed her and get to know her because her husband likes her, is weird.

Dating a cheating husband: Good

Dating a husband in an open and honest relationship: Bad

As mentioned in an earlier post, we’ve seen this with men, too.  Many men want to have something with Lucretia, however they don’t want to meet me, her husband.

Fucking a married, cheating woman: Good

Fucking a married woman with her husband’s permission and knowledge: Just fucking freaky

So to many monogamists cheating is “normal” whereas honesty is not.  Or at least that is how it seems.  Cheating is expected, if not acceptable, but an honest open relationship is not.  It’s okay to have sex with other people besides your spouse as long as your spouse doesn’t know about it, but it’s just wrong to do it if your spouse knows about it and consents willingly to it.  Of course they will tell you that’s not the case, that they don’t approve of it, but the numbers that do it (by all reasonable estimates 50% to 70% of all marriages experience cheating) show that their actions in no way support their words.

Just another reason why it’s very difficult, if not downright impossible to make a monogamist into a polyamorist.

Since Lucretia MacEvil and and I have had an open relationship and have attended many swingers parties and had threesomes and foursomes and moresomes, I’ve found that porn has little exciting factors to me anymore.  After experiencing these things first-hand and from a total sensory point-of-view, what I see on the screen just doesn’t compare.  Sure, the sex is hot, but it’s lacking an important aspect: real life.

What you see on a screen can in no way replace what you want to see and the sounds and the fragrance of different colognes, perfumes, sweat and sex.  Things that make-up the whole experience of sex, not just two people fucking on a 42″ flat screen.  Sure, I won’t turn-down watching a porn movie, but it’s just not the same.  The directors and producer show you what they want you to see, not what you want to see.  You hear what they want you to hear, not want you want to hear; and rarely is what they want you to hear anything close to what real sex sounds like.

And then there is the scent of sex that is missing.  Carnal.  Primitive.  It acts on a part of the brain that nothing else does.  It can’t be explained, it just is part of 200,000 years of human genetic makeup.  For me it’s an incredible high, one that lasts for weeks afterward and just thinking about can trigger sexual arousal.  No drug can compare.

In that vein, I came across a blog entry by a Twitter friend today that’s all about this.  I recommend you read it.

Glimpses by aag

~ LScribbens

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