There was a great article about a polyamorous triad in the Boston Globe back on January 3, 2010 titled Love’s New Frontier, and of course the requisite comments from the morality police with nothing more to do all day than post to news sites. All but one, spouting their own stories of perfect marriages and monogamy and how their God will strike everyone dead who doesn’t believe as they personally believe.
I’m beyond fighting them right now. I’m well into laughing at them. Big, ruckus belly laughs.
See, they’re hypocrites. Or maybe they just have their head buried so far in their own piousness or religious books that they don’t even see what is going on around them, or acknowledge or justify in some sick manner their own behavior.
Is this unusual? No. We all know public figures – celebrities, politicians, athletes, etc. – who talk monogamy and family values and paint a Norman Rockwell vision of their perfect life with their perfect spouse and children, yet they don’t don’t walk the talk they feed us.
Estimates of how many people cheat are all over the board, from 30% of women and 40% of men, to upward of 60% for both. In a 2007 MSNBC poll: Many cheat for a thrill, more stay true for love, nearly 50% of over 70,000 respondents admit to having cheated during their life and 22% had cheated on their current partner. I emphasis “admit” because even in anonymous online polls many still don’t tell the truth or don’t admit to themselves that they were cheating because of whatever reasoning they conjure up.
By looking at these statistics we can speculate that at least 50% of all relationships experience cheating by at least one member of the couple.
So when I read these sanctimonious comments to articles on polyamory, swinging and other alternative relationship styles I have to laugh out loud, because I know that at least half of the people writing them either think their partner has been 100% faithful or are not admitting that they themselves have not been faithful, but put-up the front of being so and judging others.
People’s hypocrisy knows no limits.
I was sitting at a stoplight today and a newer Dodge Ram 1500 pickup made a left hand turn in front of me. What caught my attention was that this truck was a 2-door pickup – no extended cab or 4-doors – because I really haven’t see a 2-door truck with no back seat in quite a while. Almost all trucks these days have at least a half-door and a back seat, and most have four doors.
As the truck passed I thought to myself: “Why the fuck would you buy a 2-door truck, and especially one with no back seat? That is so 1980’s.”
But then I stopped myself and realized that I was basing this on MY needs and MY ideas of what kind of a truck I need for MY life. With a family of five a 2-door truck with no back seat is just not practical. I need SUV room in the passenger compartment with a bed to haul stuff in. But this truck might have been just perfect for this guy; a 2-door, no back seat having truck might be just what HE wanted.
Then I thought: “Wow, it’s kind of like how people judge others relationships.”
We judge others relationship styles based on our own. Our is right for us, therefore it must be right for everyone else. I mean, why would anyone not want to have a relationship JUST LIKE MINE? Mine is fantastic!
But what we don’t realize is that our relationship style is right for ourselves, just like for me a 4-door pickup with a big back seat is just right for me. But, that doesn’t mean everyone wants the same truck I do. For others, a 2-door pickup with just enough room for two might be just right. And they probably can’t understand why I want a 4-door and want to have more than one other person with me.
Monogamists look at open relationships and polyamory and can’t figure-out why we want more than one other person in our truck life. And polyamorists, swingers and others with open relationships can’t understand how monogamists can be happy without more people in their truck life.
The point being that what works for one person doesn’t work for another. It doesn’t mean that their way, or your way is wrong, it just means they are right for that person. They are different but equally valid.
Something to think about the next time you see someone that’s not just like yourself and wonder why they aren’t.