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I came across this blog through my Google alerts and I just love this quote.  Nicole may just be America’s smartest girl.

A polyamorous relationship is HARDER work and requires much more trust, honesty, communication and personal responsibility than a run of the mill monogamous relationship. It is the K2 of dating.

I constantly hear from closed-minded, fearful outsiders that open relationships are just “wanting your cake and eating it too” and “It’s the easy way out for people who don’t want any responsibility”.  But Nicole said it very succinctly, open relationships are MORE WORK than monogamous relationships.  You have more people to contend with than just one.  You have more people’s feelings to contend with.  You have more people to split your time amongst.  It’s more work all the way around, and definitely not for someone who’s just looking for an easy way out of responsibility.  It’s more work and more responsibility than a monogamous relationship.

I know, I lived in a monogamous relationship for 20 years between my first wife and Lucretia MacEvil; and for over five years now Lucretia MacEvil and I have had an open relationship of both a sexual nature and sometimes emotional nature.  Therefore I can say with authority, an open relationship is not for the weak of heart or someone trying to dodge responsibility.  Adding just one more person to the relationship instantly doubles the work and the responsibility, and adding more just multiplies it exponentially.

Link to Nicole’s blog

~ Lucius Scribbens


  1. I can see your point; having more people to deal with, more ways to share time, more emotions to take care of may be exhausting but why make it out to be a competition? Vanilla or kink, mono or poly – it’s all hard work if you want the relationship to be successful and this comment makes it sound like Nicole wants some sort of medal for it. Good for you for working at something you want but we all do it.

    • K
    • Posted April 15, 2009 at 2:23 pm
    • Permalink

    Yes and no. It’s more work quantitatively, but once you’ve got the basic relationship/communication skills down, it becomes automatic, (mostly) like breathing. My lungs inhale 20 times EVERY MINUTE but somehow, they usually don’t feel tired. (Sometimes, yes, totally.) The diff is that most people don’t have those basic skills even in mono relationships. *shrug* It’s all about the different.

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