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Something Lucretia MacEvil and I have encountered on numerous occasions when men contact her is what I like to call “The Cheating Wife Syndrome”.  What this is, is the idea that a woman that is cheating on her husband is a bigger turn-on to men than knowing that she has permission.

How this comes about is that usually (see this post for the “usually” part) we have a rule of I have to meet prospective boyfriends before Mrs. can play solo with them.  It’s a way of letting these guys know up front what the score is with us, and also because as a guy I know all the stupid guy games, just like my wife knows all the stupid girl games so she likes to know personally who I play with.  But, many guys get all freaked-out at the idea of meeting me.  Whether it’s because it’s the idea that she’s married and her having permission to have sex with others freaks them out, or it’s the “Cheating Wife Syndrome”. Which as a guy I think most other guys like.

Why? Because it’s an ego-rush.  It’s just like in porn where the husband can’t satisfy his wife so she calls in a stuntcock to take care of her carnal needs.  It’s a competition for many guys, and conquering someone else’s wife is a real “IN YOUR FACE, MAN!” to the husband.  It’s an “I won and I’m better than you” thing.  They want the sex, the ego-feed is just a bonus, something they can brag to their friends about how they banged this married woman because she needed his cock.

Knowing she has permission though takes the danger, the thrill, and the ego-stroke out of it all.  So when Mrs. suggests that we all meet, most of these guys go silent and stop chatting with her via email or IM.

Of course some really can’t wrap their mind around the whole open relationship thing.  They have been socially conditioned that monogamy is the way it is, and so is cheating.  But having sex outside of marriage and having permission to do it just does not compute.  So the thought of meeting a husband is just downright fucking scary.

But I think for the most part, many of these “cheating wife” guys are out for the thrill of the kill, and you can thank porn for this.  And the Internet.  Look at how many banner ads you see for “Find a cheating wife in your area tonight.”  The porn industry knows what men want, and they cater to it.

Some of these guys contact us through swingers sites, but most of the “Cheating Wife Syndrome” guys find LM through her Yahoo! profile and the like.  And the funny part is her Yahoo! profile doesn’t say anything about us having an open relationship.  It’s just a generic profile in the Yahoo! directory.  These guys just IM her and hope they can reel one in.

This is just one of those things you deal with when you have an open relationship.  You have to expect a certain amount of this kind of thing because so many just don’t get what the whole thing is about.  They think it’s about finding replacement sex because what you have at home is unsatisfying.  They don’t realize that it’s not replacement sex, it’s simply additional sex.  It’s not better, it’s just different.  It’s because we have a great relationship and an overflowing sex life and we share the extra with others.  But since porn does not depict it this way general society thinks it’s what they see in movies and on the Internet.  But maybe that’s because that is what sells.  A married woman that has permission is no fun.  A cheating woman is.

~ Lucius Scribbens

One Comment

  1. As always, an impressive essay.


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. By Pondering the Monogamist Mindset « Bigger Love on 27 Jan 2010 at 10:08 am

    […] mentioned in an earlier post, we’ve seen this with men, too.  Many men want to have something with Lucretia, however they […]

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