Lucretia MacEvil and I have a good friend that although isn’t in a open relationship has been to several swinger parties over the years with us.  After the first party she went to she commented:

“Swinging is like the icing on the cake of marriage.  But if the cake underneath doesn’t have all the ingredients to make it solid, all the icing in the world won’t keep it from crumbling.”

Wiser words have seldom been said about an open relationship of any kind.

I love this series on a polyamorous triad in Seattle, especially since it is a male-female-male triad, not the (in my opinion) overly-common female-male-female type that it seems 90% of poly couples are looking for (that will be another post).  You can watch the censored versions from the 3 Dog Pictures website that link to the YouTube versions, or you can mosey-on over to North West Live for the uncensored versions that YouTube will not play.

Also, be sure to check-out the music from the series by Christopher Bingham.

And don’t forget the swag http://www.printfection.com/familythewebseries/

Links:

3 Dog Pictures  http://www.3dogpictures.com/

North West Live Family Page http://www.nwlive.tv/family/

Christopher Bingham http://www.christopherbingham.com/

While listening to a sex therapist on the radio this morning it occurred to me that most media-whore sex therapists/specialists only talk about one-man-one-woman in a committed relationship in a sex-positive light. Although we all know that this is not the only way that sex is positive and good and fulfilling, most of these so-called specialists just don’t have the chutzpah to talk about anything except what is considered non-controversial.

It’s too bad, there are too many people out there that are not getting a positive message about their own sexuality just because it doesn’t match what is considered “socially acceptable” because such programming won’t attract advertising dollars.

VIVA LA INTERNET!

A slut is something people call a woman who’s having more sex than themselves.

~ Lucius Q. Scribbens

Rummaging around Yahoo! Answers the other day I came across a question from a distraught boyfriend who was having issues with his girlfriend’s past.  He asked the question: “What kind of woman sleeps with two men in one day?”

Here are the answers that he got:

“Oh please, clearly the woman is a slut. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. Go get yourself tested for stds and never call her again. She gets around the block. And around and around….”

“Oh please. You already know the answer to this… dump her and move on to another girl who’s list of sexual partners is shorter than your local phone book.”

“a very disgusting girl i think you should stay way from her she is probably all loose and has a sexually transmitte disease ewwww”

“…and who’s the idiot who calls this disgusting pig of a woman his girlfriend?”

“she mite not cheat on you but she is a fuckin slut”

“Sluts like that are fun to play with but you don’t want them whoring up your life.”

“S.l.u.t”

“it would be an insult to whores to call her one ! she is just a nasty pig and if I were you I would run for my life. you would really want to have kids with this pig? you will always wonder just what she is doing and will never ever trust her.good luck with the STD”s”

“shes just a plain common SKANK. Do yourself a favor, RUN and very fast at that, look for a decent girl”

“she is a very sexually driven women and has a past of a whore i truly would feel gross just kissing that women”

“dude i feel sorry for you. go to the doctor and get checked for stds. This girl clearly is gonna cheat on you when you get married.”

“marry her and accompany her to all the places where she goes probably u might get some free drinks , air tickets. If ur considering a career as a succesfull PIMP dont lose her..”

“n shez ur GF……..??? poor u…! shez a total SLUT man….! y u still being wid her ..?”

“can you trust her?? dude, are you for real? you’re in love with a ho and you know what to do.. unless all you want cheap sex and and an STD then move on.”

Are all these men?  No, most are women.  And what is sad is that this is general society’s view of sexually strong women.  And why is this?  And why does women, of all people, buy into it and persecute their own gender for being sexual, loving sex and being sexually experienced?

It’s almost understandable for men, after all the insecurity men feel over their sexuality and sexual prowess is deeper than a black hole.  And in truth they make their insecurity a huge emotional black hole for the women in their life.  Men (as evidenced above in the “sluts are fun to play with but you wouldn’t want one whoring-up your life” comment) lust after a sexual, pornstar, “slut” of a woman, as long as they don’t have to have any emotional attachment to her.  For that they want a virgin, or at least a woman with little sexual experience or very few partners her past.  That way he doesn’t have to feel insecure about someone in her past being “bigger”, or “better” or “rocking her world” better than he does.  He doesn’t have to obsess over this every day of their relationship.  He can be King because a sexually inexperienced woman just doesn’t know any better.

But then they get bored with her.  They complain to their friends and coworkers about how boring their wife is in bed, or the infrequency of sex with her, or both.  Then they search-out “sluts” by joining swingers dating sites and pretending to be single to try to hook-up with experienced women who love sex, are experienced and are good at it.  Of course they also get disillusioned quickly when they don’t get allot of response from swinger couples wanting to be his sex surrogate and help him cheat on his wife.  But that is a future blog.

So over years of Puritan conditioning our culture has been brainwashed into the idea that an experienced man is a “stud” and a “playa” and an experienced woman is a “slut” or a “whore”.  We hold men who score with lots of women in high regard, place them high on a pedestal and nearly saint them.  Hell, we even celebrate them through TV shows like “The Pick-up Artist” and “Rock of Love with Brett Michaels” where Brett gets to nail several women he’s thinking about marrying.

If we staged either show with a female lead it would never air, because that kind of behavior is simply not socially acceptable from a woman.

And women, for their part in all this, go along with it.  They vilify their own gender for being like a man and enjoying sex and being experienced. Yet they spend thousands of dollar to be “sexy”. The key message from society is “Be sexy, just don’t do sex. Unless it’s with one man only so that he doesn’t feel all insecure about his johnson.”

Then through all this men can’t figure-out why the woman they sought to marry – the “virgin” – doesn’t all of a sudden become a porn star in the bedroom (like their college girlfriend) once they are married.  Well sir, let me tell you: It’s because she was indrocrinated her whole life to be a “good girl” because men don’t want a “bad girl” for a wife.  She can’t undo 18-plus years of patriarchical brainwashing overnight.

The thing is that men do want a bad girl.  A slut.  They just don’t want them to ever have been a bad girl for someone else. If they have been then you get responses like those above: “She’s a skank, look for a decent girl”; “This girl is going to cheat on you when you get married”; “Go get tested for STD’s” (like a guy who gets around couldn’t have any); “She’s a whore and you can’t trust her”.

Hopefully someday these attitudes will go away.  I personally celebrate the “slut” in my wife.  I know that what attracted me to her in the first place was plain old hormones racing because she was hot and sexy.  I was attracted to her sex.  The emotional part of our relationship developed in the spaces in between fucking each others brains out.  So why would I want her to stop being sexual?  Why would I want her to stop being who she is, what made me want her so bad to begin with?  To ask her to shut this off for me would be asking her to shut it off for everyone, because you can’t be sexy for just one person in the world.  You’re either sexy to allot of people or sexy to none.  Because I love her I could never ask her to stop being her just to make me feel comfortable about being me.

I’m not saying that everyone should have an open relationship, but every relationship should be open in that people can be who they are with each other and everyone should be secure enough in themselves to allow their partner to be who they really are without having to worry about hurting their loved one’s feelings.

Guys, your partner’s past is your problem, not hers.  Get over yourself.  If you are not secure enough in yourself to not let a “slut’s” past bother you, than find someone that is inexperienced and will bore the fuck out of you sexually the rest of your life.  Just don’t complain about it later and don’t ask us, with our good relationship, to make you feel whole.